Born Ahead: The Costs of Economic Privilege

Job loss is something many families, including mine, are familiar with. I recently experienced back-to-back toxic work environments, surprisingly common even in my field, resulting in abrupt job loss. Today, the everyday struggles of the average American family are often ignored by those with economic privilege. It's uncomfortable to acknowledge unearned advantages, but it's important not only to understand it but to talk about it with your family. Some privileged individuals recognize their circumstances, but most do not, remaining unaware due to how they're raised. Common sayings like "we don't talk about money with our kids" perpetuate this disconnect. Protecting children from discomfort ultimately keeps them unaware of real struggles. Many with privilege rise to leadership, still believing their experience is universal, wrongly assuming financial struggles stem from laziness.

This reality struck me last year while driving my teenager and his friends. Hidden within my own world were these assumptions that, if they go unchecked, become dangerous in the hands of leaders. I had just lost my job suddenly, with no explanation. In a day, everything—our insurance, our income—was at risk. We lived paycheck to paycheck, like 67% of U.S. consumers (see PYMNTS Intelligence 2024–2025). For more, visit: https://www.acainternational.org/news/2024-paycheck-to-paycheck-report-reveals-continuing-economic-pressures/

I panicked for weeks. Well-meaning people offered dismissive advice like "just go on COBRA," unaware of the real costs and challenges, especially with one income and a child with a lifelong medical condition. Surgery was imminent, and the threat to remove my coverage brought additional fear. Still, we would do anything for our child, despite the hurdles set by those unfamiliar with his condition. For me, that 'anything' was to play nice with the devil(s) who grew up with economic privilege, therefore making it easy for them to discard people who worked for them without any other consideration. Doing anything for my child involved playing nice with those who handled my family with careless, ignorant assumptions that we had the ability to afford COBRA. Also, if anyone has had to sit through the 'tennis match' where insurance denies life-saving procedures, then a peer-to-peer review takes place, and still a denial usually comes from a semi-retired doctor with zero experience in the disability your family member has, you know the rage that comes with these experiences. You also know the rage that comes when someone carelessly assumes your family can handle the hit of paying thousands for COBRA with less income coming in.

Bringing us back to this car ride. I drove my kid and his friends because, despite my worries due to job loss, it calms me to see them happy. That day, while seeking a bit of joy, I was triggered by an unexpected comment. To add context: I had spent the day getting our food pantry card and groceries—a necessity since we lost our paycheck (after losing my job) and our cupboards were nearly empty. Like many Americans, we did what was needed.

As I drove my son and his friends, their conversation about affording ski trips hit me hard. One child questioned who could possibly not afford $60 to ski, missing that it's a week's worth of groceries for some families. The privilege speak in the car was thick. "Wow, that's embarrassing if that is true," one kid stated. "I bet he just isn't good at skiing, so that's his excuse," as if it's impossible to imagine someone can't afford the luxury of skiing with friends. I reminded them that many families struggle with expenses that most take for granted. Some laughed awkwardly, but these are important conversations. I explained economic privilege and the harm that results from remaining unaware of others' realities. I am sure I may have upset some parents still living under the veil and wanting their kids protected from the real world, but I could not drive in silence.

Adults who survive these times are struggling; I am very sensitive to that. I see it everywhere, the need to keep the veil up, even though it's obvious that bad things are happening. I saw it loud and clear in 2020 after I spent the day doing "COVID patrol" with Cook County families going house to house, helping low-income families get through the awfulness that lockdown brought them. It was a Friday, and I was told by my own therapy support system that I needed to gather with friends more to bring a balance into my system, as it was getting pretty scary what I was facing daily at my job. I invited a few mom friends over, and well, what happened was the opposite of connection. There was an obvious divide between what coping tools they still had access to and what coping tools I never really had. One mom friend was complaining that her Instacart order was wrong, so she couldn't make the dinner she had planned. She was really stuck on this, and in non-COVID times, I might have had the bandwidth to nod and smile. This time, I just couldn't. I excused myself and went into my house, where I proceeded to vent to my partner about how much this crew of women was privileged and had the privilege to have problems like Instacart deliveries being 'wrong.' Did this mom even think about how many risks the driver was taking to get most of her groceries? No, she was focused on her upset. I was reminded, though, by my much calmer partner, that these women are scared too; they just don't know how to voice it. She was just using her coping tool to pretend things weren’t scary by focusing on (privileged) problems. That settled me enough to re-engage, but I will never forget that instant divide feeling I felt that night.

Economically privileged kids may soon face a harsh reality. Their easy access to new gear or technology could quickly end as financial pressures mount. It's essential to talk with children about the 67% of Americans living paycheck to paycheck and to volunteer with humility, not for show. Volunteering teaches empathy and helps prevent future assumptions about people in need or about employees facing hardship.

So after I dropped the kids off and headed home, I cried. A whole-body cry at the thought of this Trumpy, self-serving energy many American parents are accidentally passing down by thinking they are protecting their kids by not talking about money, and how different this looks from household to household. Still, they are, in fact, passing down assumptions that people are fine WHEN THEY ARE NOT. We are not okay, 1%, and you are very much a part of that. This is Trumpy because we were well on our way to getting energy without needing overseas oil, but because that plan wouldn’t have benefited Trump and people like him, we are now at war, and so on. Only the adults in power born into economic privilege would be able to justify these actions because they spent their lives noting who owed them, not noting who they owed. There are power solutions like solar power, wind, hydropower, geothermal, and biomass that may not bring profit to those born into their parents' privilege, but it brings solutions to the 67% of us barely getting by that don't involve going to war. These programs were cut by the greed of the billionaires in control using Trump as their puppet. If we had followed solutions, not profit for billionaires, we would also have brought safety to our children who often end up serving and dying for our country not because they believe in the fight, but because they need to compete, and in order to pay for college the only option is to serve. This is all twisted and backward, and I am done not saying anything. I understand privileged behavior, but it doesn’t mean I need to stay complicit. I did say something, lots of things, to those kids in that car ride, and if anything stuck, that’s one step closer to an empathetic society. Something we all need more of is empathy.